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06/29/2007: "old'en daysss" music: Sun will shine my friend wont let you down my dear
gosh.. too much things happen at once lately. everything cramp together till me myself think im strong enough to get thru all the stuffs also turn out to be a weak me.. the weakest part in ma life.. n yet i need to make the best and right decision to start my life and go on with it. TOO much of regrets which Im blaming myself but it's of no use anymore. hate to live or stay in the life of regrets which causes too much of burden in me. Sometimes im thinking im jst 19, why does all bad stuffs come to me or i guess im the one who made it myself with my own bare hands well, not i guess .. IT IS. Life's too short we need to grab every opportunity we have in life and hopefully whatever path i ChOSE now wont lead to disappointment or regrets in ma future life ahead. Wish it will turn out to be the one i dreamt of all along and achieve what i want in ma life and make my parents feel proud of having me as their daughter though i have disappointed them countless time in ma 19yrs life with them.
Somehow everything it's jst not right coz not everything is perfect. It turns out sometimes im not secure or not confidence in maself of choosing this and that for ma life and everyone keeps pushing me to decide right now this instant or as fast as possible. Plus im still working .. there's too much stuffs to do in da office which i really have no time again. Taking leave jst like that is also not goodd. thats why decided to stop working but now turn out to be really in a bad situation where d new girl boss hired dont want to work after training her for like almost a week. guess i have to understand her part but still .... sighs 
It's jst so hard but it seems very easy to get through with.. the sudden breakdown it's jst maybe making me feel better once again or to at least i finally voiced out and get all the answers i want???? That's why people out there .. if there's anything stuck within you .. jst find a trustable friend which also includes ur parents or any of ur family member that u trust or can be trusted or who can give u advices and pull u through make u strong once again.. and i would like to thank my friend TIng for helping me last night though her problem is much more complicated than mine.. nvm.. god will be with us always and will bless us.. like waht she say . it's another stage in our lifeee to get through .. it's another test so we have to be strong and face it...which i 100% agree with it.
Okay, when a person has this sudden breakdown .. he/she will jst PUT EVERYTHING .. or should I SAY EVERY SINGLE problem that he/she has no matter small or big together... which includes love, family, work, studies, finance, this and that in. as for me im like that.. once im totally down everything will be a problem to me.. after al this studies and work stuffs problem.. now here comes relationship problem.. it's not a big deal after all.. but jst i dunno why it's always relateed.. think too much .. stressed out.. which leads to one word * TERRIBLE * ! Maybe im jst a person who really needs someone care me especially the one i cared and loved most but he doesnt know the person is him and he wasnt there when i need him bcoz HE JST DONT KNOW.. well i just miss him thats all.. still even i said this also same thingg.. he doesnt knoww...
come to think abt it.. i guess everything will be alright.. it's jst that we need time and time will tell. which again one of ma other friend told me thiss.. and truee.. i agree also.. so yahh.. time will actually tell everything.. and once everything is over.. i will feel relief and proud of myself that i can actually get over it.. but of course im not excited in waiting another stage of life to get through ... still dont have that courage to face it yet.. hopefully this timeee everything will be fineee.. pray really hard to god for please be by my side alwayssss and bless me with good things all thru...
i really miss those moments when we were all at highschool at CHMS... sighss...
Both voN and mIch is back already.. really nice to see them again.. 
now awaiting for Krystal and Darrell !! .. waiting for u guys to come knock on ma house doorr... mwuahss.. and we will have a great time together .. cherish every moment.........
